War or children: who or what’s worth more?

My friend, Sek, posted an excellent speech on his blog, Kansas Mediocrity, and it got me thinking about the war in Iraq, it’s cost, and who supports it. I came up with some cold hard facts:
Here is the running cost of the war. (740 billion and counting.)
Total number of Republicans voting for the war: 215. Total Democrats: 81
Estimated cost of SCHIP for the country: $40 billion
Total number of Republicans voting for SCHIP (State Children’s Health Insurance Program): 42. Total number of Democrats voting for SCHIP: 221.
It amazes me the Republicans, who seem to have this Christianity thing going for them, think more of attacking a tinpot dictator, who never attacked this country, then ensuring the children of this nation have access to quality health care. There’s something seriously wrong there. It makes one wonder what it is they think this country stands for.  When invading a country is more important to a major political party than ensuring the health and safety of it’s future business people, leaders and workers, there is a problem. I can’t, for one minute, understand that line of thinking unless it involves the following: Capitalism at any cost. The industrial machine takes precedents over all other endeavors, including the people who actually make it work. It sure seems to me to be the roots of what the Republican party stands for. By putting the system ahead of its people, it totally eliminates humanity. I can think of no other reason for doing what they did. If anybody has other ideas, I’m more than willing to listen. Feel free to dive in.

Sarah vs Arnie!

I took this photograph of Sarah after a night of debauchery she shared with Tiger and a moose named Fred. After the night was over, she shot the moose and made a pie. Tiger left and immediately drove his SUV into a tree and a fire hydrant. No word on whether the two incidents were connected, and Sarah’s keeping her mouth shut, a first for her.

Seems her and Arnie, the current governor of California, and world renown destroyer of crooks, alien invaders, politicians, airplanes, automobiles, trains, boats, vegetation and soon to be broke state, are clashing over global warming. She says that even though she was all for cap and trade regs on CO2 sequestering, she’s also against it. Arnie says he’s all for cap and trade regs, but wants to convert CO2 into something useful, like jalapeno cheese or maybe protein shakes.

Might I suggest a compromise consisting of a full on battle between the two. Each would be given a set of Ginsu knives free of charge, however they would have to pay shipping and handling charges. Included would be a vegamatic if they started the battle in 30 days or less. Rules of the battle would be drawn up by an international body of internet bloggers, with AKMuckraker as head rules decider. Frigginloon, Bearman, Suzi Spice and Donald Mills would comprise the rest of the team. Three other spots would be filled via lottery.

The basic setting would take place in a designated, out-of-the-way location. Preferably somewhere no humans, animals or vegetation reside. The battle would be to the death, or until the public loses interest, whichever comes first. The winner gets free tickets to the next Yanni concert and a years supply of McCain for President memorabilia, black magic marker not included.

Personally, I can’t wait for the reruns.

Global warming threat officially over!

Okay folks, I know you have been worried about global warming, but I’m here to tell you you can forget that and go back to worrying about who the winner of So You Think You Can Dance will be tonight. How do I know this, you might ask? It snowed in Houston. As the excellent picture of the girl in Houston eating snow illustrates, It’s best to do so prior to it hitting the ground.

What does snow in Houston have to do with global warming? Sean Hannity, of that news service on the cutting edge of ensuring it’s watchers get the news the way they want it, Fox, says if it’s snowing in Houston, then global warming is a myth. I mean, like how much more proof does one need anyway? My biggest fear ever was when I was in Guam, and it rained for three days straight. I figured the flood had reinvented itself and we were all going to die. Happily that didn’t happen, and I’m still around to listen to the likes of Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck . . . wait a minute: maybe I did die, and this is hell.

Lord Christopher Walter Monckton, 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley, who makes puzzles, when interviewed by CNN said basically the same thing: global warming research is a waste of time and money. Now I don’t know about you, but when some dude with a title that won’t fit on a drivers license says it’s a waste of money, who am I to disagree? I mean after all, he makes puzzles, so he’s gotta be one smart dude, what?

So, next time you take a vacation to that glacier you’ve been waiting years to see, only to find it melted, remember the count, and that it snowed in Houston. Maybe they can take all that snow from Houston and make a new glacier out of it. It’s a puzzle the count would be more than happy to figure out.

THE PLAN!

For you all who have been on out of body journeys, under the influence of adult beverages, dead, or just missing from the main-stream, I have this to offer: Glenn Beck is writing a 100 year plan for this country. In it he will lay out exactly how he wants this country to change in order to make him God-King during the next 100 years or so. Now I don’t know about you, but I feel great about this, and think he should do a 1000 year plan so he can get rid of the king thingy and go right to the God thingy. During a recent interview with himself, he had this to say, “I am drafting plans now to bring us back to an America that our founders would understand,” he said before claiming that Americans “need to start thinking like the Chinese.” What exactly he means by thinking like Chinese, I haven’t a clue. Maybe he means wearing pajamas 24/7. He didn’t have his monitor chalk board to illustrate his point, so he probably didn’t have a clue either.

Anyways, I can’t wait for it to come out so I can not read it. I wonder if it will go for $4.99 as well. I heard Sarah’s book is out now. There’s another book I’ll have to miss out on. If anybody’s read it and it has her moose pie recipe in it, please refrain from sending it to me. If you do, I’ll have your email addy and I will spam the hell out of you with pictures of her and Beck relaxing in a pool full of jello made from moose fat and Beck’s tears.

Thinkin’ with the little head.

Tiger Woods, arguably the best golfer ever to play the game, a guy who values privacy to the extreme, drops his drawers at the drop of a tight skirt. Brains? Not so much. Check out his ole lady. She is nothing less than beautiful, a strong woman and good mother. Yet he can’t keep his pants zipped. Had he been a football player, basketball, baseball . . . whatever . . . he could get out of this much easier. But this is golf. You know, the gentleman’s sport , the sport of the royal and ancient. Cheating either on or off the course is strictly verboten.

I wonder what the prenup was? Elin should soak him for every dime she can find. Jasper Parnavik should kick his ass.  Michael Jordon should dunk him in the next basket and leave him there. You just can’t fix stupid, and what Tiger did was as stupid as it gets.

Photograph: Karen Bleier/AFP/Getty Images

Some pictures just don’t need any words-or-How to post and still be lazy a procrastinator!

Okay, I lied. I am putting words out here in the wasteland called the internet. But let’s not stray too far from the primal question all those synapses in your brain pan are forming into at this particular instant:

ANY GLENN BECK LOVIN’, SARAH WHATSHERNAME READIN’, GUN TOTIN’ IN CHURCH-N’, WOLF HUNTIN’, TEAR CRYIN’, FLATULENCE IN BROADCASTIN’ LISTENIN’ PEOPLE SEEN GLENN BECK’S NEW MOVIE: The Christmas Sweater – A Return To Redemption?

Come on now, people . . . don’t be embarrassed. It actually has Glenn Beck in it, so it’s gotta be . . . something, I think. I know one of you saw it. After all, thirty people saw it in Washington D.C.. A grand total of twenty four people saw it in New York and Boston. And I know you’re aware of the whole six degrees of separation thingy, right?. With numbers like that, why, the worlds the stage and Glenn’s gotta be THE MAN! Think there may be an academy thingy going on here? Ya . . . me neither.