Rants My Way

2009 Recap

Some black dude was nominated for President. Some white dude, also nominated for president, selected some white chick from a state with less people than the city the black dude was from to be his VP running mate. The black dude won. The white chick quit her day job, and had some other white chick write a book for her, which became the number one best seller after some white dude, who owns a phony news station, bought a whole bunch of the books and sold em for way under the list price, making it the cheapest number one book in history. The white chick, who had the other white chick write the book, then went on a book signing tour in a bus, which she didn’t ride in sometimes, but took a plane instead. The white chick, who quit her day job, then told all the other news people she wouldn’t talk to them because they made fun of her. A bunch of other white people said, “We love you, white chick!”

Then some white dude governor from some state said he went to walk on some trail in some mountains someplace, but really went to some other country because he was horny. He got caught and all the news people shouted, ” O Boy,” because they could write about sex and stuff, which they like to do.

Then some black guy who plays golf ran into a fire hydrant and a tree and his wife beat the shit out of the car with a golf club, which makes perfect sense because the guy was a golfer. She was mad at him for playing eighteen holes, but not on a golf course. Personally, I’d like to have the golf club because it’d be worth big bucks on ebay. The black guy quit golf for awhile, and plans on playing another eighteen holes at a location/s to be decided later. His wife went to another country and will have a whole bunch of money really soon. I think I’ll email her and ask for some of it.

Everybody in the world lost a whole bunch of money, except those who lost the most, because they had the governments to give them their money back. After they got their money back, they gave themselves some fine times at resorts and golf courses to show the world how happy they were for getting their money back. They didn’t report on whether they played eighteen holes on the golf course. So a whole bunch of other people donated their houses to the guys who got their money back because they felt sorry for them.

Then the government started to wheel and deal with the insurance industry guys and finally decided to make sure they got a whole bunch of money too. After the insurance people stopped crying and figured out they would get a whole bunch more money, they told all the sick people to drop dead, which was really nice of them because who wants to be sick anyway?

So, as you can plainly see, 2009 was a wonderful year if you had a whole bunch of money, or owned a whole bunch of politicians. If you didn’t have a whole bunch of money, or own a whole bunch of politicians, well, the year kinda sucked, but as the Republicans party of really old white guys and two fat chicks in congress and at the tea parties, which I won’t get into because I don’t drink tea, said during the year, get a job, except there aint no jobs., so I guess we’re shit out of luck.

Maybe 2010 will have some jobs, or a couple of politicians I can buy really cheap.

December 26, 2009 - Posted by | Politics . . . what else?


  1. Blahahaha Jammers, might want to think about emigrating :)

    Comment by frigginloon | December 26, 2009 | Reply

    • You mean there’s someplace that will take me? Oh boy!

      Comment by jammer5 | December 27, 2009 | Reply

  2. Yes, I hear Sudan is nice this time of the year :)

    Comment by frigginloon | December 27, 2009 | Reply

    • Nah . . . too many trees :-)

      Comment by jammer5 | December 27, 2009 | Reply

      • What, they have trees?

        Comment by frigginloon | December 28, 2009

  3. Great wrap up, Jammer!

    Did you ever stop to consider that if working was such a great and wonderful thing the really rich folks would have kept more of it for themselves?

    Comment by fnord | December 28, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks, fnord. Hope you had a great Christmas :-)

      Work or money?

      Comment by jammer5 | December 28, 2009 | Reply

  4. That about sums it up. A bunch of crap happened…and I got shat upon. Yup. 2009.

    Comment by IvanaScream | January 1, 2010 | Reply

    • I think we all got shat upon. Maybe this year we can do the shattin’. :-)
      welcome and happy new year

      Comment by jammer5 | January 1, 2010 | Reply

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